I had decided months earlier that, on my 66th birthday and in celebration of 50 years of smoking cigarettes, I would finally stop smoking. Not cut down, not switch to another nicotine delivery system. Just stop. As the day neared, I grew nervous, wondering how I would cope with the cessation of nicotine coursing through my system.
At the pharmacy, I sheepishly announced my plan and asked for suggested products to help me in this endeavor. The clerk produced 1) chewing gum, 2) little nicotine-infused candies in a sort of Pez dispenser, and 3) nicotine patches that looked like band-aids. I declined the patches but purchased the other two products. I felt prepared.
On the morning of my birthday, I still had a pack of Marlboro Reds to smoke. The plan was to stop on my birthday, but not at a particular time on my birthday. So, I smoked with abandon until the box was empty in the early afternoon. I remember looking at the final cigarette burning in the ashtray and wondering whether my plan would really work, or whether I would fall back into my unhealthy habit.
I had tried to stop smoking at different points in my life, succeeding each time for a period only to once again stumble into my old routine. One attempt, aided by a drug prescribed by my physician to help me succeed, resulted in a trip to Sheppard Pratt, the famous Baltimore institution for the “mentally unstable”. The drug had interrupted my sleep over an extended period of time, resulting in panic attacks due to severe sleep deprivation. Fortunately, tossing the pills and getting several good night’s sleep corrected the situation.
I also have had long-term breathing problems which became acute once I moved to Kraków. For thirteen years I have taken daily inhalation drugs to open my airways, as well as an emergency inhaler for those moments when my air passages feel a bit tight. Yes, I recognize the perversion of smoking cigarettes while taking breathing medicine. This is a sign of real addiction.
There have been moments where I would automatically reach for a cigarette, only to find myself reaching for thin air. To break the habit, I purchased cinnamon sticks to act as a stand-in for cigarettes. It helped immensely back in 1990’s when I last tried to stop. It was initially helpful when my lips felt suddenly abandoned and my right hand had nothing to hold. But the urge to hold a cigarette quickly dissipated. Still, I keep a stick close at hand while working on the computer just in case.
It has now been twelve days since my last cigarette and, surprisingly, the transition from smoker to non-smoker has been much smoother than I had anticipated. Perhaps my age (and the hope for longevity despite all I did over the years to defeat it) plays a significant role in my determination to get healthier. I recognize that I’m not getting any younger, and I’d like to maintain my health while I pursue the multitude of projects that I have planned.
Another factor I should not neglect to mention is that I am now collecting retirement benefits while my U.S. business remains an almost viable business entity. Living on a fixed income is a new reality for me. I recently calculated that I was spending around twenty percent (20%) of my income on cigarettes. Obviously, I can think of better things to do with that money
Will I finally succeed this time, or will I once again fall off the wagon? Only time will tell. But, admittedly, things feel different this time. Who knows? With the money I save on cigarettes, perhaps next year I’ll buy a bicycle.